There, I've said it. I've been biting my tongue for far too long and now its like a giant cavity of pain has been removed from my psyche. I'm sure you have a million questions; after all hate is an incredibly charged - and somewhat overused- word that shouldn't be bandied around without deep introspective thought; especially when directed at a mere work of fiction. So in attempt at forethought I will try to answer the most pressing questions as they relate to this high level of disgust I have for anything Meyer.
How long? When?
I was kind of ambivalent to the whole Twilight craze at first, mainly just happy that it was getting teenage girls to read. I finally picked up the first two at the bequest of a co-worker and I even will admit to mildly enjoying the first one. I only finished the second one because I was hoping it would redeem itself. It didn't. So I guess you could say I've been hating them ever since September 17th 2008.
Who?
I don't really have a 'who' in this emotion. I certainly hold no more then a minuscule amount of animosity toward Stephanie Myer or any at all towards her fans. And to hate a fictional character is just a little more 'crazy' then I'm willing to go.
So now to the most pressing question:
Why?
Why do I hate Twilight? Its not for the obvious reasons; the overly obvious religious implications, the anti-abortion message, the shoddy writing, the ageism, sexism or any other ism. Its just that Stephanie Myer some how managed to take everything sexy, dark and dangerous away from the Vampire. Sure theirs violence and sex (obviously since the main character gets pregnant) but its PG sex and violence. Twilight is the near-beer of Vampire stories.
Oh and for the record just because the actor who the production company got to play Edward Cullen is sexy doesn't make the character itself sexy.
Vampires are dark, they are dangerous...they are not meant to be cuddly and cute. Sure there were moments of violence in Twilight, small glimmers of bloody scenes but really all in all its just plain safe good fun...which is SO not any adjective I would use to describe Vampires (accept maybe 'fun' but in more of a dirty naughty fun way then the chaste boring fun Meyer uses).
My biggest peeve, however, is Edwards 'teeth'. Um, ahem; vampires don't have teeth, they have fangs. Its pretty standard. You can pretty much break every other Vampire rule out there except that one. I mean Angel didn't sleep in a coffin, Blade was a day walker, Louis (Rice) and Bill (Harris) like crosses and churches etc. But every vampire I have ever heard of has fangs. Its pretty much the sole defining accoutrement of a vampire. And somehow, in Meyer's chaste telling she neglects to once call them fangs (at least in the first novel). Teeth vs. fangs. Which is more vampiric? Maybe fangs are just too 'evil' for Stephanie Myers? Too devilish perhaps? What is a vampire with out fangs? I superhuman being perhaps but not a vampire...
I do applaud Meyers on creating a 'vampire' *cough* novel that appeals to those who thought the more traditional approach to the supernatural genre was a bit to close to devil worship and for selling literally millions of copies of her novels (although I did return mine after reading it for a full refund). But I do not forgive her for draining her vampires of everything that makes them vampires...
Vampires drink Blood
Vampires fuck
Vampires drink blood and fuck at the same time
but most of all
VAMPIRES HAVE FANGS!!!
This work by Ophelia3 is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 Canada License.
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